Real Housewives Of Salt Lake City Reunion Season 3 Recap Part 1: Heather Gay Finally Admits She Remembers Nothing
Welcome to the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Reunion, bitches! Andy Cohen's New York City set was decorated with fake snow and evergreens, as the SLC wives pull up in -- what else? -- a black Sprinter van! It was a long drive from the parking lot. Flash back to clips of multiple Sprinter van catfights, juxtaposed against FBI agents looking for Jen Shah (who was tipped off and hightailed it out of there) in the Beauty Lab parking lot. (Wasn't that Season 2?). Wow. Only four women survived the season to sit on the couch this year. The cast is shrinking.
Apparently the color code was orange and peachy tones this year. Most of the women looked lovely, with the exception of Heather Gay, who looked like a giant leather pumpkin. Not a good look, Heather. At least the infamous black eye has finally healed.
Jen Shah Leaves A Void
Even though Jen was invited to the reunion, Andy said she was advised by her legal team not to attend. At the time of filming, her sentencing (which took place January 6th) had yet to occur. The concensus among the women was that her absence left a void. They all would have liked to have had her there to tell her side of the story, but maybe she's saving it for a book? The proceeds might make a dent in that $6.5 million she owes in restitution.
Lisa And Meredith Fight And Dial Up Jen Shah
Lisa Barlow and Meredith Marks' longtime friendship had yet to recover from Season 2's hot mic moment. Andy asked Meredith if she would have accepted an apology from Lisa after the reunion last year. The jewelry designer said that she was more hurt that her former BFF hadn't contacted her when her father died than she was about the hot mic rant.
The conversation then shifted to the rumors which were spread about Lisa performing "sexual favors" to promote her Vida Tequila brand and to get courtside seats at Utah Jazz basketball games. And who started the rumors-Meredith or Whitney Rose? Unfortunately, the women talked over each other so much that I couldn't make heads or tails of any of it. Wait . . . am I watching The View?
Next Lisa and Meredith argued about whether Meredith and Heather were "popping pills" when they were on their girls' trip to Zion, Arizona. Apparently Jen had told Lisa (and Lisa repeated it) that their two friends took "Ketamine" or "something." Lisa admitted that it was a "bitchy" thing for her to say. Meredith said it was "vile" and just not true.
Lisa told Meredith, "Call Jen and ask her." Meredith whipped out her cell and dialed Jen right up. I wonder what time it was in SLC when she placed the call, since they supposedly started filming early in the morning and there's a two-hour time difference. Andy told Jen what the topic was and asked if she had claimed Meredith and Heather were taking "Special K" in Zion. Jen replied, "No, I did not. That's a lie."
When Jen didn't confirm Lisa's story, the Vida Tequila owner brushed her off with, "You don't tell the truth all the time, so I wouldn't expect you to now . . . At least I'm not going to jail." Ouch. Low blow, Lisa. She then had another tantrum, raising a palm for Meredith to talk to and insisted, "I am not wrong!"
More Bad Blood Between Former Besties Lisa And Meredith
Andy wisely decided to move on to another subject and brought up an equally controversial topic. He asked about Meredith bringing up "behind Lisa's back" that she would "hate to have an SEC filing at this stage of your life." She was referring to Lisa's alleged crowdfunding which was discussed in San Diego. Meredith clarified that she personally wouldn't want to deal with all that legal paperwork. Lisa clapped back, "We have a lot of lawyers." Whitney chipped in that it wasn't so much that the SEC filing was brought up, but the way it was brought up was to make Lisa look bad.
In light of all the bad blood between Meredith and Lisa, Andy wound up the segment by asking if either woman would consider making up and continuing their friendship. Meredith admitted that she's sad about the loss of the friendship. She hoped they could at least reach a place where they could be respectful and cordial to each other. We'll just see how that goes.
Lisa Barlow Considers A Singing Career
Next Andy gave Lisa the news that her singing audition for Heather's community choir had gone viral and asked her if she'd ever consider releasing a holiday album. Is he serious? Please, God, no!!! Lisa teased that maybe she was "already working on it." Ugh. I don't think there's any amount of auto tuning that would keep my ears from bleeding.
More On The Drama In San Diego
Next Andy moved the conversation along to talk about the drama in San Diego. When Jen felt she wasn't getting sufficient attention from the other women (as Whitney said, "I thought this was Jen's trip?"), she decided to pour a glass of champagne over the head of her long-time friend Angie Katsanevas, who had arranged their beautiful accomodations. Still not funny, Jen.
This was the cue to welcome the "Friends Of" the Housewives: Angie Harrington, Angie K. and Danna Bui-Negrete (who?) to the stage. First up on the hot seat was "Danna Banana," as Jen called her. Bravo then treated us to some "never before seen footage" of a profanity laden confrontation between Jen and Danna at Heather's book cover release party. Danna and her index finger got in Jen's face and told her, kind of ironically, "Don't get in my motherf***ing face! You like to bark, I bite!" Danna claimed she was angry because Jen was making fun of where Danna lived at the time. After all, Jen "doesn't even own a house" (she's renting). She also mocked Danna's husband's name, which was not cool. Danna didn't like the way Jen was treating the other ladies, as well as herself. That's why she went in on Jen in San Diego about having heard that Jen's buddy Stuart Smith was going to testify against his former bestie.
Andy then shifted the conversation to discuss how the ladies felt when Angie K. took the nicest bedroom for herself when they were in San Diego. Angie was, after all, the one who procured the house and was technically a "co-host" (with Jen?) of the weekend. Heather said she immediately knew there would be "trouble," because she could feel that Jen was "amping up."
Andy asked Angie why it bothered Jen so much for her friend to take the role as hostess of the trip. Angie admitted, "Jen wanted me in the group, but with conditions . . . I had to always kind of stay 'down here' on a leash, right?" In other words, Jen wanted Angie to know her place, which was "below" that of the convicted felon. She meant to remind everyone that she was "still in control." Even though Jen said she was making a "fun, bitch move," Heather was the only one even mildly amused about pouring the champagne over Angie's head. I think she might have been the only one in America who thought it was funny, cause it wasn't. It was just mean.
By the way, both Angie K. and Danna (Banana -- sorry, I can't help it) have made friends with Lady Clairol since Season 3 ended. Neither woman had a strand of gray, and they both looked great. Except for Danna's stupid cape, which seemed uncomfortable. She kept fiddling with it, and it just looked awkward.
Heather Admits She Doesn't Remember How She Got The Black Eye
Finally Andy brought up the ever present subject of Heather's black eye, asking, "Ready, Heather?"
She affirmed, "Totally. Bring it."
Everybody knows Heather woke up in San Diego with a humongous black eye and claimed not to know what happened. Andy wondered if the women have a secret Fight Club -- but we'll never know, since we're all familiar with that pesky First Rule. Heather claimed that she "blacked out" and truly doesn't remember. Andy said that Bravo even did a full investigation to rule out any crew involvement or physical assault, but nothing turned up. There was no additional footage that would have shown what took place.
Heather tried to pretend that she told so many different stories about what happened (she knew what happened, she didn't know what happened, she didn't remember, everybody already knew what happened), because she was "afraid that they [her castmates] would rewrite the narrative" to make her look bad. Then the whole incident would have just "spun out of control."
The Beauty Lab owner finally confessed that it would have been "humiliating" to admit she had imbibed too much alcohol and blacked out. She claimed to still have a lot of "Mormon shame" about drinking. So she was embarrassed to have been so drunk that she had no memory of what happened. I still think Jen Shah clocked her.
Andy finally asked Heather outright, "Do you think Jen punched you in the eye?" Heather remained adamant that she just doesn't know. Andy persisted, "Is there a part of you that thought if she did this, I want to cover it up so that she isn't penalized in any greater way by a judge or in her case?" That was my thought, too.
Heather acknowledged that if she had known for sure that Jen punched her in the eye, she would have covered it up. She stuck with the story that she was blacked out and doesn't remember anything after going back to her room. She truly believed at the time that someone knew what happened to her and the truth would eventually come out. But it hasn't yet. And maybe it never will.
TELL US - DO YOU THINK THE TRUTH OF HEATHER'S BLACK EYE WILL EVER COME OUT? WAS WHITNEY ROSE EVEN THERE?
[Photo by: Chris Haston/Bravo via Getty Images]