Kim Kardashian Admits It’s The ‘Hardest Feeling’ To See Kanye Be ‘So Different’ Than Who She Knew
Kim Kardashian got emotional over Kanye West's "shenanigans" during the season 3 premiere of The Kardashians, and she continued to discuss the struggle of co-parenting with the rapper in episode 2. "I just still feel the need to not talk about it and protect it for my kids," Kim explained, of why she doesn't say anything negative about her ex-husband. "I always will feel that way. But God, if people knew. I just would never do that to my kids. But it's really crazy."
Kim recalled how she used to spend "hours and hours" of her days "cleaning up" after Kanye when he would have public outbursts or controversies. "Sometimes I feel like if he were to hit rock bottom, that's his journey that he needs to figure out on his own," Kim said. "I used to run around and call everyone behind his back and be like, 'It's going to be okay, don't worry, just give him another chance.' I don't have that energy [anymore]."
Still, seeing how much things have changed has clearly taken a toll on Kim. "It's the hardest feeling to watch someone you really loved and you have a family with just be so different than who you knew," Kim admitted.
At the end of the day, though, Kim's biggest priority is keeping the negativity away from her four kids, who she shares with Kanye. She said that even the pair's oldest daughter, North West, 9, is unaware of the public controversies that have surrounded Kanye. However, it's taken a lot of work for Kim to make sure she's ahead of it all.
"When stuff is said, it's a chain to my whole household. No TV. Only Apple TV," Kim explained. "I can't risk Access Hollywood 'Coming up next' or anything on the news coming up with their dad mentioned and they want to watch. I have to figure out a way to protect. So they still haven't seen anything, but I go into crisis mode."
Kanye has bashed Kim and her family members on a number of occasions, but Kim has withheld from responding publicly. She said that this will be how she continues to handle the situation for as long as it lasts. "I'm the one being accused of so many things and blamed for so many things and it really, really is hurtful," she said. "It sucks, but I can control how I react and can control if I'm a mess. Then my kids will see that. I believe in my soul that one day my kids will appreciate my silence, my understanding and my grace. I will try my hardest to keep it together at all times."